Meditations: Book I

1.1

From my grandfather Verus, I learned about good morals and how to control my emotions.

1.2

From the reputation and memory of my father, I acquired modesty and a strong character.

1.3

From my mother, I learned about devotion to religious principles, kindness, and the importance of abstaining not only from evil actions but also from evil thoughts. Additionally, she taught me to live a simple life, far from the extravagance of the wealthy.

1.4

From my great-grandfather, I learned the value of not attending public schools and instead having excellent teachers at home. I understood the importance of investing generously in such education.

1.5

From my tutor, I learned not to align myself with any particular faction, be it the "green" or "blue" party at the Circus games, or as a supporter of either the Parmularius or Scutarius gladiatorial factions. He also taught me endurance in the face of hard work, to be content with little, to work with my own hands, to refrain from interfering in the affairs of others, and not to lend an ear to gossip or slander.

1.6

From Diognetus, I learned not to waste my time on trivial matters and not to believe in the claims of miracle-workers and charlatans who speak of incantations and driving away demons. I also learned not to raise quails for fighting or to become excessively passionate about such things. Diognetus taught me to tolerate freedom of speech and to become acquainted with philosophy. I became a student, first under Bacchius, then under Tandasis and Marcianus. In my youth, I wrote dialogues, and I desired a simple lifestyle, including a plank bed and a rough skin, and other elements associated with Greek discipline.

1.7

From Rusticus, I recognized that my character needed improvement and discipline. He taught me not to be tempted by sophistry or engage in speculative writing. He discouraged me from delivering insignificant persuasive speeches or parading myself as someone who rigorously practices discipline or performs acts of charity for show. Rusticus advised me to abstain from rhetoric, poetry, and ostentatious writing. He instructed me not to wander around the house in my outdoor attire or engage in similar behaviors. He taught me to write letters with simplicity, similar to the letter he wrote from Sinuessa to my mother. In dealing with those who have offended or wronged me with their words, Rusticus encouraged me to be easily inclined toward forgiveness and reconciliation once they showed a willingness to make amends. He emphasized the importance of careful reading and avoiding shallow understanding of books. He cautioned against hastily agreeing with those who speak excessively. I owe him my gratitude for introducing me to the teachings of Epictetus, which he shared with me from his own collection.

1.8

From Apollonius, I learned about free will and unwavering determination. He taught me to focus solely on reason and nothing else, even for a moment. Apollonius showed me the importance of consistency in enduring severe pain, the loss of a child, and long-lasting illnesses. I witnessed in him a remarkable example of a person who can be both resolute and adaptable, never irritable while imparting his wisdom. I saw that he considered his practical experience and skill in explaining philosophical principles as the least significant of his virtues. Through him, I learned how to accept favors from friends without either being demeaned by them or disregarding them.

1.9

From Sextus, I learned to possess a kind-hearted nature and observed the example of a family governed with paternal authority. He instilled in me the concept of living in harmony with nature. He embodied a sense of seriousness without artificiality, carefully attending to the interests of friends, and tolerating the ignorance of others and those who form opinions without thoughtful consideration. He had the remarkable ability to adapt himself easily to all types of people, making interactions with him more pleasant than any flattery. Simultaneously, he commanded great respect from those who associated with him. He possessed the skill to discern and organize, in an intelligent and systematic manner, the principles necessary for a fulfilling life. He never displayed anger or any other passionate emotions, but remained completely free from such impulses while also being profoundly affectionate. He could express approval without resorting to extravagant displays and possessed a wealth of knowledge without boasting.

1.10

From Alexander the grammarian, I learned to refrain from fault-finding and not to reproach others in a demeaning manner when they made grammatical errors or used peculiar or incorrect language. Instead, I learned to skillfully introduce the correct expression in a way that should have been used, whether through answering, confirming, or engaging in an inquiry about the matter itself rather than fixating on the specific word, or through other appropriate suggestions.

1.11

From Fronto, I learned to recognize the qualities of envy, deceit, and hypocrisy in a tyrant, and to understand that those among us who are referred to as Patricians often lack true paternal affection.

1.12

From Alexander the Platonic, I learned not to frequently claim or write to others that I have no leisure unless necessary. I also learned not to constantly excuse neglecting the duties expected in our relationships with those we live with by citing urgent occupations.

1.13

From Catulus, I learned not to be indifferent when a friend finds fault, even if it seems unreasonable, but to make an effort to restore them to their usual disposition. I also learned to speak well of teachers, as is told of Domitius and Athenodotus, and to genuinely love my children.

1.14

From my brother Severus, I learned to love my family, to love truth, and to love justice. Through him, I became acquainted with the likes of Thrasea, Helvidius, Cato, Dion, and Brutus. He introduced me to the concept of a society where the same laws apply to all, a government that upholds equal rights and freedom of speech. He instilled in me the idea of a monarchy that values the freedom of its subjects above all else. I also learned from him the importance of consistency and unwavering dedication to philosophy. He fostered in me a disposition to do good, readily give to others, maintain positive hopes, and believe in the love of my friends. With him, there was no concealment of his opinions about those he condemned, and his friends had no need to speculate on his desires or intentions as they were evident.

1.15

From Maximus, I learned self-discipline and not to be swayed by external influences. I learned to maintain a cheerful demeanor in all circumstances, even in times of illness. He taught me the balance of sweetness and dignity in one's character and the importance of fulfilling my responsibilities without complaint. I noticed that everyone believed he truly meant what he said, and in all his actions, he never harbored ill intentions. He remained composed, unhurried, and never procrastinated. He was never puzzled or disheartened, nor did he use laughter to disguise his frustrations. He never displayed anger or suspicion. He was known for his acts of kindness, his readiness to forgive, and his commitment to truthfulness. He exemplified a person who could not be swayed from the path of righteousness rather than someone who had been corrected. I also observed that no one could ever feel despised by Maximus or consider themselves superior to him. Additionally, he possessed the skill of humor in a delightful manner.

1.16

In my father, I observed a gentle temperament and unwavering determination in the decisions he made after careful consideration. He had no vanity in what people call honors. He had a love for work and perseverance, and he was always willing to listen to those who had proposals for the common good. He showed unwavering fairness in treating everyone according to their merits. He had knowledge derived from experience about when to act forcefully and when to show restraint. I also noticed that he had overcome any inappropriate attraction to young men. He considered himself equal to any other citizen, and he never obligated his friends to dine with him or accompany him when he went out. Those who couldn't join him due to urgent circumstances were always treated the same by him.

I also observed his habit of carefully examining all matters before making decisions, his persistence in seeking the truth, and his refusal to settle for superficial appearances. He valued his friends and didn't easily tire of them, but he didn't become excessively attached or affectionate. He remained content and cheerful in all situations, foreseeing future events and making preparations without seeking attention. He immediately dismissed popular applause and flattery. He was constantly vigilant in matters concerning the administration of the empire, managing expenses well and patiently enduring criticism for his actions. He neither exhibited superstition towards the gods nor tried to win people over with gifts, pleasing behavior, or flattery of the masses. Instead, he displayed moderation, strength, and never engaged in mean thoughts or actions or sought novelty.

He used the things that contributed to a good life, which fortune provided abundantly, without arrogance or making excuses. When he possessed them, he enjoyed them naturally, and when he didn't, he didn't desire them. No one could say he was a sophist, a shallow follower of popular opinion, or a pedant. Everyone recognized him as a mature, accomplished individual, impervious to flattery, and capable of managing his own affairs as well as those of others. Moreover, he respected true philosophers and didn't condemn those who claimed to be philosophers, nor was he easily influenced by them. He was affable in conversation, making himself pleasant without any off-putting affectation.

He took reasonable care of his health, not out of a strong attachment to life or concern for appearance, nor neglectfully. Thanks to his attentiveness, he rarely needed medical treatment or external remedies. He readily acknowledged and supported others who possessed particular skills, such as eloquence, knowledge of the law, morals, or anything else, so that each person could earn their rightful reputation. He consistently acted in accordance with the laws and customs of his country, without pretentiousness. Furthermore, he was not fond of change or instability. He preferred staying in the same places and engaging in familiar activities. After bouts of headaches, he quickly returned fresh and vigorous to his usual tasks.

He kept his secrets very few and rare, mostly related to public matters. He demonstrated prudence and frugality in organizing public spectacles, constructing public buildings, and making donations to the people. He focused on doing what was right rather than seeking reputation for his actions. He didn't take baths at inappropriate hours, nor did he have a penchant for building grand houses or obsess over his diet, clothes, or the beauty of his slaves. His attire mostly came from Lorium, his coastal villa, and Lanuvium.

We know how he treated the toll-collector at Tusculum when he asked for forgiveness, and his behavior was consistent with his overall character. There was nothing harsh, unforgiving, violent, or excessively intense about him. He approached each situation individually, as if he had an abundance of time, without confusion, in an organized manner, with vigor and consistency. This reminds me of what was said about Socrates, that he had the ability to both abstain from and enjoy things that many people struggle to moderate and often indulge in excessively. However, to possess the strength to restrain oneself and maintain moderation is the hallmark of a person with a perfect and indomitable soul, as demonstrated by his actions during Maximus' illness.

1.16

I owe gratitude to the gods for the blessings of having virtuous ancestors, loving parents, a caring sister, dedicated teachers, supportive companions, and a network of good relatives and friends. Moreover, I am indebted to the gods for not being tempted to commit any offense against them, despite possessing a disposition that, given the opportunity, might have led me astray. By their favor, circumstances never aligned to put me to the test.

I am also thankful to the gods for sparing me from an extended association with my grandfather's mistress, allowing me to preserve the innocence of my youth and delaying the exploration of my physical desires until the appropriate time. I am grateful for being raised under the guidance of a ruler and father figure who humbled me, demonstrating that one can live in a palace without relying on guards, extravagant attire, torches, statues, or similar displays. I learned that it is possible to live a life resembling that of an ordinary person without diminishing the quality of my thoughts or the diligence of my actions in serving the public interest as a ruler should. I express my gratitude to the gods for blessing me with a brother whose moral character inspired self-awareness and who expressed respect and affection toward me. I am relieved that my children are neither unintelligent nor physically deformed.

I appreciate that my progress in rhetoric, poetry, and other studies was limited, preventing me from becoming completely absorbed in them. I promptly granted the desired honors to those who raised me, without postponing their recognition until later, when they were no longer young. I am grateful for the opportunity to know Apollonius, Rusticus, and Maximus. They provided me with clear and frequent insights into living in harmony with nature and the essence of such a life. With the gods' gifts, assistance, and inspiration, nothing hindered me from immediately embracing a life in accordance with nature. However, I acknowledge that I still fall short of this ideal due to my own shortcomings and failure to heed the gods' guidance, which could be considered direct instructions. I appreciate the resilience of my body, which has endured despite my chosen lifestyle. I am thankful for my ability to resist temptation and maintain fidelity, having never been involved with Benedicta or Theodotus. Even when I experienced amorous inclinations, I was able to overcome them. Though I often found myself at odds with Rusticus, I never committed any actions that I later regretted.

Although my mother's life was cut short, I cherish that she spent her final years by my side. Whenever I wished to assist others in need or on any other occasion, I never found myself lacking the means to do so. Similarly, I have never been in a position where I needed to receive assistance from others. I am fortunate to have a wife who is obedient, affectionate, and uncomplicated. I am grateful for the abundance of excellent tutors for my children. Furthermore, I have been granted remedies through dreams, both for general ailments and specific conditions such as bloodspitting and dizziness. Lastly, I am thankful that when I developed an interest in philosophy, I did not fall under the influence of sophists. I did not squander my time delving into historical writings, solving logical puzzles, or obsessing over celestial observations. These endeavors require the support of gods and fortune.